


桜 ( Cherry blossoms)

by Pshycofujolien



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, mentions of jaeyong, sorrythisismyfirsttime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 15:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15777198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pshycofujolien/pseuds/Pshycofujolien
Summary: Cherry blossoms, they were all over him. The moment he saw them he understood the meaning of it and he had already accepted his unfortunate end.I used to say that I live for his smile now I am dying because of it.“Japanese cherry blossoms are a timeless metaphor for human existence. Blooming season is powerful, glorious and intoxicating, but tragically short-lived  a visual reminder that our lives, too, are fleeting.”





	桜 ( Cherry blossoms)

Intro  
Cherry blossoms, they were all over him. The moment he saw them he understood the meaning of it and he had already accepted his unfortunate end.

I used to say that I live for his smile now I am dying because of it.

 

“Japanese cherry blossoms are a timeless metaphor for human existence. Blooming season is powerful, glorious and intoxicating, but tragically short-lived a visual reminder that our lives, too, are fleeting.”

****

Cherry blossoms, they were all over him. The moment he saw them he understood the meaning of them and he had already accepted his unfortunate end. There was no way to run away from it, even if there was he knew that he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of these petals which have the most beautiful shade of pink he has ever seen. The petals didn’t contain lust they were innocent and fragile Just like his feeling towards to certain someone. He remembered how he watched Jaehyun, one of his best friends, melt at the hands of the same disease. It was funny that they were going to share the same end. He took one of the petals and examined it carefully they were soft, he smiled to himself at least they reminded him of his home, they made him feel safe. He was pulled out of his thoughts when his phone rang, he looked at the caller’s id and couldn’t help but feel horrible. He was going to make him live everything all again. He sighed to himself before answering the call. 

“Yoo! Fool where are you?” a cheerful voice came from the speakers 

“At home where else I can be at?”

“What! Yuta don’t tell me you actually forget about the show.”  
Yuta wanted to curse himself for being forgetful. Taeyong, his best friend, had been talking about how nervous he is for this show all week. This was going to be Taeyong’s last show in university with his little group. Unfortunately for Taeyong, he was the only senior in the group.

“No, of course, I didn’t Tae!”

“Liar, You have half an hour to be here or you are not my friend anymore.”

“I’ll still be your friend don’t make this dramatic, you love me.”

“Yeah, you will be my friend but I suggest you to not push your limits Nakamoto or you will taste my wrath.”

“Okay okay, see you in 30 min.”

“Love you, bye.”

Yuta smiled to his friend’s behavior. He was more than sure that Taeyong couldn’t hurt a fly despite always talking about his non-existent wrath.  
He got up from the bed and started to get ready, luckily his home was really close to university theatre. He didn’t bother to have a breakfast he didn’t have enough time anyway. He looked at the petals for the last time before leaving the house.

 

************

 

“I thought you wouldn’t make it.”  
Taeyong said before hugging him. Yuta put a hand on his chest faking hurt 

“Ouch, I am offended! I wouldn’t miss my best friend making a fool of himself.” Taeyong rolled his eyes 

“Yeah, whatever.” And he walked towards to backstage

“I am just kidding TY, kill them with your skills!” Yuta shouted. He was answered by Taeyong showing him his middle finger without looking at him and disappearing in the backstage. Yuta looked for a long time where Taeyong vanished to “I am sorry Tae” he whispered to himself.

 

*******

His phone chimed, he knew that the message was from Taeyong asking him where was he. He replied with ‘an urgent situation at work, don’t worry. And you were awesome!’ He put his phone on silent mode and walked into the grave that he memorized by now. He put a bouquet of Gardenias on the ground.

“Hey Jae, I brought you your favorite thing.” He smiled to himself 

“This time I am not with Taeyong as you can see. He would’ve killed me if he had seen what I brought, he hates gardenias he can’t stand seeing them. How funny, you used to give this to him when we were kids.”  
He smiled at the memory of little Jaehyun giving the flowers to Taeyong and saying they are not as beautiful as you when Taeyong answered with thank you, they are beautiful.

“But I can’t blame him for hating these flowers they were the cause of your death. You were covered in them when we found you, looking paler than ever with the help of the white flowers even the blood which was smeared on the flowers couldn’t bring color to you.” He wiped his tears “I am sorry Jaehyun I can’t hold my promise, I promised you to look after him for you but I can’t, I have the same disease and just like you I don’t want treatment. I can understand how it feels Jae, sorry for being angry at you at that time but I totally understand why you refused it. We really are best friends, aren’t we? Even having the same end. Poor Taeyong he has the worst friends ever, leaving and traumatizing him twice” 

He was silent for a long time “I don’t know how much time I have left but I will tell Taeyong without delaying it, unlike you.” He stood up 

“See you soon Jae.”

 

***********

 

“You are scaring me Yuta. You called me and told me we need to talk in a serious tone, this is not you. Are you okay?”

Yuta shook his head “Follow me.” Taeyong followed him without a protest. Yuta opened his bedroom door and waited for Taeyong to go in, Taeyong gave him a confused look before going him.  
Yuta shut his eyes and waited for his reaction. Taeyong looked around the room and gasped when he noticed the flower petals. 

“No, no way!” he whispered more to himself. He turned around to look at Yuta “Tell me you are kidding.” his voice was barely above a whisper.

“Do you think I will joke about something like this Taeyong?” there was a silence before Yuta continued “I am sorry Tae.”

Taeyong looked at him in the eye he looked hurt, very hurt “Why are you…” he cut himself when he understood the reason before that sorry 

“You are not getting the treatment too.” He whispered “WHY! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME YUTA? YOU PROMISED ME! AND I HEARD YOU, YOU ALSO PROMISED JAEHYUN TO LOOK AFTER ME TOO WHAT CHANGED WHY…” Taeyong fell to his knees after his combust  
“Why are you leaving me alone too? What is so special about this disease that you are not getting the treatment?” he was whispering again, he looked like a child Yuta felt his heart shattering into pieces he kneeled beside Taeyong 

“ I am sorry that I am not keeping my promise. But I can’t get the treatment and you can’t understand the reason without actually having this Tae, that’s why I hope you never get to learn why.” They hugged each other and cried for hours. 

 

“Hey, Yu is he who I think it is? I mean the reason of this.”

“Yeah, Sicheng is the reason. I had to leave early today because I started coughing up flower petals again and I didn’t want anyone to see it.” 

He sighed “I don’t know how much longer I will live Taeyong so I am going to make most of them I am going to see Sicheng and try to make him smile. I used to say I live for his smile, now I am dying for it.” 

Taeyong hit him in the chest “I hope you’ll still have time for your best friend, at least that’s what I deserve.”

“Of course you will have my time Tae! Don’t be ridiculous and you deserve every good thing in the universe I and Jaehyun were defected hopefully you won’t have a defect in your life ever again.”

“You two are not defected! I have my beautiful memories with you and I am thankful for that.”

“Like I said, too good for this world.”

“Yuta?” 

“Hmm?”

“Do you feel pain?”

“No.” it was a lie, his chest was hurting so much but he didn’t want to tell Taeyong about it. But from the look in his eyes Yuta knew that Taeyong was aware of his lie. 

 

***********

 

Falling asleep was getting harder each day the feeling of cherry blossoms filling his lungs was a painful one. He was having hard in breathing, he was taking pills to give him a little more time with Sicheng. He wasn’t ready to leave him yet, going under the surgery wasn’t an opinion either because that would mean staying away from Sicheng for a lifetime and he preferred dying when he is still close to him. He went to balcony it was still dark and silent most of the city was still sleeping.

“Couldn’t sleep again?”

He turned around to see Taeyong holding two cups in his hand. Since the day Yuta told Taeyong about his illness they were staying together.

“Yeah.”

Taeyong put the cups on the coffee table. They sat there in silence watching the city getting brighter.

“Isn’t it funny how they tell us they can remove our love and heal us? Like our feelings mean nothing. How can they remove someone’s feelings Tae? Does this mean what I feel for Sicheng is nothing but just an illusion, a sickness? I saw some people on the internet saying beautiful to this disease because you love someone so much that it becomes physical, there is nothing beautiful with this disease. Our love is not strong at all how can it be? In the end it is something can be removed. This pains me more than anything.”

“The feelings are not going away Yuta, they just remain hidden. That’s why after the surgery the doctors suggest you to not see the person who caused your disease ever again. Scared that your feelings can wake up again. See they are not controlling your feelings they are just putting a lid on it. It is still not too late to get a treatment Yu.”

“Nice try Tae but you can’t change my mind.”

Taeyong sighed a long silence followed after that

“Is this how Jae thought like too? Did his feelings towards to that person were so important that he chose to die?” Taeyong asked in a small voice, Yuta almost didn’t heard what he said.

“Yes, that person was really important to him.”

“I still think about how come we’ve never met someone who was that important to him. He never told me about that person this makes me really sad. We still don’t know who the person is.”

Yuta looked at Taeyong, he opened his mouth to talk but closed it. He shook his head 

“I don’t know Taeyong.” Both having the thoughts of their own they fell into silence.

 

**********  
“Hi, Winko!” Yuta chirped 

“Hello, Yuta hyung.” Sicheng smiled kindly “I thought I told you not to call me like that?”

“Hmm… Did you? Well, I can’t remember. You see I have a really bad memory.” Yuta said grinning 

Sicheng rolled his eyes at the childish behavior of older. Recently Yuta started to come to the studio more than he used to, it is probably because his last year Sicheng thought. He knew that Yuta loved dancing, even though he was good at it he didn’t join the dance team.

“Ah, Yuta!” Taeyong called “Why are you here?” 

Yuta smiled “I was going to treat you guys a dinner since you are working hard.”

“You are going to treat us dinner?” Ten asked surprised “That’s new.” Yuta rolled his eyes “It is my last year so let your Hyung treat a dinner.”

“You are older than me just by 3 months but I am not saying no to free dinner.” 

“Let’s go Sicheng.” Taeyong said. Sicheng nodded and followed them.

 

**********  
Yuta waited for their practice to end after a short time door opened and revealed Sicheng, Taeyong and Ten. Sicheng noticed him first he smiled 

“Hello, Yuta hyung.” Mention of his friends name Taeyong noticed Yuta waiting for them 

“Hey Yuta, What brings you here?” he asked even though he already knew the answer 

“I was just passing by and decided to come. How is dance routine going?” Yuta asked looking at Sicheng. Mentioning of dance Sicheng’s eyes sparkled “Very good actually, after our show we had some other offers to perform, we even accepted one of them and working on a choreography for…” Sicheng suddenly stopped talking his eyes were locked somewhere behind Yuta, he smiled shyly and waved at someone.  
Yuta turned around to see the person then he looked back at Sicheng who is still smiling Yuta felt a pang in his chest. He could feel the flowers pressuring his lungs to get out and also squeezing his heart. He forced a smile.

“Hey Sicheng, do you like him?” 

Sicheng blushed and nodded “What is his name?” 

“Kun.” Sicheng mumbled “He seems like a good kid, I hope he takes good care of you, we wouldn’t want you to get hurt.” 

Taeyong felt sick watching this scene “Hey Yuta, I think I forgot my phone upstairs I don’t want to go alone come with me?”

Yuta nodded

“See you Sicheng.”

“See you Yuta hyung, Taeyong hyung.”

They walked inside the building in silence 

“You know, you didn’t have to do that Tae.”

“I know, I am sorry but I couldn’t stand watching it.”

They walked in silence till Taeyong sat on the stairs “Your expression when Sicheng told you about his crush on Kun seemed really familiar, then I suddenly remembered where did I saw it.” Taeyong stopped and took a deep breath 

“I saw the same expression on Jaehyun. Not long before his death. How much time you think you have left?”

Yuta sighed “Not long maybe two or three weeks?” Taeyong nodded “It sucks to wait for the time that I am going to find you dead with cherry blossoms around you, another flower to hate.”

“I am so…” Taeyong cut him off “Stop it Yuta, We’ve been over this.” 

They were silent for a while 

 

“It was me isn’t it?” Yuta looked at Taeyong with a confused expression 

“The reason of Jaehyun’s death.” 

Yuta looked at Taeyong with an unreadable expression “Where did you get that?”

Taeyong smiled “I told you that I remember that look from Jaehyun, I was talking about Doyoung with him. I am so stupid I knew something was off with that expression but I couldn’t understand it. If I did he would ha…” 

“No, Tae it is not your fault there was nothing you could do for him. That’s why he didn’t tell you, he knew that you were going to blame yourself.” 

“I could’ve helped him”

“How?”

“By persuading him about the surgery.”

“I don’t think that would work Tae.”

“I don’t know Yuta I was so idiot. Everything was so obvious, he vomited gardenias. Gardenias, Yuta! He always gave them to me and compared me to them since our childhood. I thought the reason was them being his favorite flowers!” Taeyong laughed brokenly 

“I could’ve saved him. I AM the reason it is not the sickness. Probably that’s why I am losing you too cause I don’t deserve it!” Taeyong was crying, Yuta pulled him closer and hugged him “No Tae, please you are such a good person, please stop saying things like that.”

 

********

 

One of the days that Yuta came to the dance studio Sicheng noticed how pale he looked 

“Hyung, Are you okay?”

Yuta looked at him and smiled “Of course I am okay Winko! Why are you asking do I look bad?”

“Ah, No I thought you looked pale but I guess I was wrong then?” 

“Yeah, don’t worry I am f…”

His sentence was cut when someone called Sicheng’s name. Sicheng looked at the intruder smiling 

“Hey Kun, why are you here?” Kun smiled “I thought about taking my boyfriend to a dinner. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you beforehand I hope you don’t have plans?”

“Nope, I am completely free.”

“I’m glad.” Kun turned to Yuta “I am sorry, it was rude of me to intrude your conversation like that. I didn’t mean to and I am Kun by the way.”

“Yuta and no, it’s not a problem. Have fun, take care of Winko!” 

“I will thank you.” Kun smiled “See you Yuta hyung.” Sicheng waved 

“See you Sicheng.” 

With that, they were gone. Sicheng and Kun were so caught up in their world that they didn’t notice Yuta having a hard time breathing and coughing cherry blossoms.

 

********

 

A week later Yuta stopped coming to the dance studio and Taeyong become very distant. Ten said it was because of their graduation but both of them know something else was wrong. Weeks past like that and finally Taeyong had a breakdown. Only thing Ten could understand from his incoherent words was“ I hate cherry blossoms. No, I hate flowers. All of them are toxic.” And this was enough for Ten to understand everything. 

 

End.

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this was me trying to write a weird angst :) . First of all, I want to say sorry for two major things, one; English is not my mother language so I hope you can forgive my mistakes two; This is my first time writing and publishing a fanfic so I am an inexperienced newbie :) anyway Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it!


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